CHRISTINE CHOUCAIR, MS, LPC

Our brains feel threatened when there is uncertainty. Right now, there is an abundance of it swirling around us across all domains of our lives. As a child and adolescent therapist, I bear witness to the daily stressors our youth are experiencing. They are overwhelmed and overstimulated. We see big behaviors, big feelings, and an undercurrent of general anxiety.

The number one question I am asked by parents is, “What can I do?”

Anchor yourself. If you care for a child in any capacity, take a moment to imagine yourself as an anchor, rooted firmly at the bottom of an ocean or lake. The child in your care is a small boat, naturally drifting toward its anchor for stability when the waves become choppy.

To be an anchored presence for a child is not equivalent to being stress-free, always calm, or having it all figured out. How unrealistic! It is about finding ways to feel grounded and present, tending to your own needs, and attuning to the needs of the child in front of you.

Practice Validation as an Anchor. 

One of the most regulating things a caregiver can offer is emotional validation – the act of letting a child know their internal world makes sense. When a child feels seen and understood, their nervous system softens. Validation is an anchor that helps them settle, breathe, and return to connection.

A powerful way to validate is by beginning with phrases like:

“It makes so much sense that you…”

“Of course you feel… because…”

“I get why that was hard for you…”

“No wonder…”

I challenge you to let go of the “but!” It is harder than it sounds because we are all so used to doing it.

Imagine for a second your child came to you and said, “I’m horrible at math. I am so stupid. ” Take a moment to read the various responses. Which one feels the best to you?

“I get it, but you’re just not trying hard enough. I told you to study; this is what happens when you don’t. ” Ouch, right? This dismisses the hurt and the struggle.

“It’s not hard! You’re smart. You can do it!” This one can feel good to say because it is uncomfortable to hear a child talk negatively about themselves. We don’t want them to feel that way. But it skips the pain, and the child is left alone.

“This feels really hard for you. Math takes you longer than other kids, and when you try your best and it still feels confusing, I understand that you’d feel upset and even say you’re stupid. It hurts when something doesn’t click the way you want it to.” This meets the child where they are.

Practice, practice, and practice some more!

Find Moments of Shared Delight. 

In addition to validating our children and helping them organize their feelings, which in turn reduces anxiety and increases connection, I urge you to carve out moments of shared delight.

Shared delight is a core attachment need and essential for our children and teens right now. Delight lays the foundation for a child’s experience of their goodness, their value, and their sense of belonging. When I guide parents through the Circle of Security, an empowering parent program aimed at building secure attachment between parent and child, I ask caregivers to reflect on tiny moments during the week when they delighted in their child simply for who they are, rather than what they are doing.

Your child is performing at her piano recital; you catch her eye and send a warm smile her way. Your teen is telling a story, and you break out laughing together. You are walking around Wash Park with your little one, sharing in the simple joy of being together, relaxed in each other’s presence.

These are all moments of delight and send messages of – you matter, you belong, you are loved, you are important to me, I accept you – to children.

Here are several ideas to bring more shared delight into your week:

• Consistent, weekly park dates or nature walks

• Cook or bake something together

• Movie or show night (tweens/teens love introducing a show to 

    a parent!)

• Build a Lego set together

• Dance parties before bed

• Game night

• Joint activities like rock climbing, pottery, or putt-putt golf

• Make a craft together

• For younger kiddos (6 and under), 30 minutes of child-led      playtime once a week

A few tips!

Put away technology when you are engaging with your child. We want delight to be the center of attention, and technology can disrupt the sending and receiving of this core attachment need.

Make it consistent! Our brains love certainty. If you have a visual calendar for your child or teen, place the activity on it. Make it colorful. Add stickers. This soothes questions around when/how/where and gives a child something to look forward to.

Check in with your child or teen! “Should we do that again next week, or should we try something new?” Ask questions and get feedback. Come from a place of curiosity and adjust your activities accordingly.

As you move into 2026, I invite you to hold onto this: children don’t need perfect caregivers; they need steady, present ones. They need adults who can pause, breathe, validate, and delight in who they are becoming. Even the smallest moments of calm attunement and shared joy can soften anxiety and build connection. Be gentle with yourself as you practice these skills. They take time, intention, and repetition, just like anything worth learning. And remember: every time you choose presence over perfection, you offer a child something deeply healing, an anchor in a world that can feel quite unsteady.

Christine Choucair, MS, LPC, is the owner of Little Owl Counseling, a private practice in the heart of Wash Park specializing in EMDR for children, teens, and families. For more information, please visit www.thelittleowlcounseling.com